We're Just NOT That Into You!

In Flight Entertainment

notthatintoyou — Thu, 19 May 2011 16:55:48 +0000

Recently, I was on a plane headed home for a friend’s wedding. I was one of the first to board which meant window seat on the exit row, and I immediately start reading my book(Zeitoon by Dave Eggers – I strongly suggest reading this book. Amazing.) I look up while passengers are still boarding and make eye contact with this guy, and I go back to reading my book. Next thing I know, this guy is cramming into the seat beside me. Yes, cramming – he was a big guy and I knew instantly he was an athlete of some-sort. I keep reading my book when this booming voice beside me asks what I’m reading. I tell him, and he couldn’t be less interested. Then he asks if I work for “X company” – my response is “What?” Then he asks if my name is “——-” – again my response is “What? How on earth do you know that?” I had forgotten I was using my business card as my bookmark, but still seriously that should have been sign number one this guy is creepy.

Turns out this guy knows my boss – I’m stuck! We chat a bit before I go back to reading my book and I’m JUST about to put in my ear-buds when he asks me if I want a thin mint. Do I want a thin mint? Do I want a thin mint? Of course I do – how do you refuse a girl scouts thin mint? Next thing I know, I’m playing Hang-man with the guy. I should tell you know that I was NEVER attracted to this guy in any way – so I was completely oblivious to the fact that he was flirting with me. The guy is 20 yrs older than me for pete’s sake.

He hands me a brochure to give to my boss and as I start looking through it, I realize he’s an ex San Diego Charger. It’s not like he wasn’t dropping hints all over the place – I just wasn’t biting because I knew he was trying to drop that card.

Later in the flight, we’re talking about golf again, and I ask him who his favorite golf is.

His answer: “My best friend.” I was like 90% sure who his best friend must be but I still had to ask who his best friend was. I’ll give you one guess who his best friend is.

That’s right, good ole Tiger. OF COURSE IT IS.

He blabbers on about Tiger and how he’s doing since everything happened. Then he asks if I’m a Capricorn and if I’m the youngest child. Both of those things are true. I ask him how in the world he could know that.

Sometimes you just meet that girl and sometimes you just meet that guy.

Again, I don’t seem to pick up that this guy is hitting on me. Not even when he offers to get me a new white putter with my initials on it or even when he offers to help get me a different job. I’m naive.

We exchange business cards and not after 10 minutes of him getting off the plane, do I receive the following text:

“It was a pleasure meeting you Safe journey and T.O.Y. “

Do you know what T.O.Y. means? Thinking. Of. You. Gross. Gross. Gross. The smiley faces make it extra disgusting too.

On Monday morning, I receive a voicemail: “extending me an invitation to grab a bite to eat and continue our conversation. I would have sent you a text but I’m a Southern gentleman. Talk to you soon sweetie.”

How do I get myself into these messes? Awful. I decide not to respond.

He emails me two days later: “Just following up on my voicemail. Hope all is well – would love to hear from you soon.”

Well crap. Seriously how do I get myself into these messes? I email back something about being really busy with work and had no time but if he ever heard of a great job opportunity to please pass it along so I may apply. Here’s the reply I received:

You gott it . Give me one more viait with yku so I can’t truly understand what you you are looking for and where you would ultimately like to get too. You know how to find me when you get time

I’m not sure what bothers me more, the atrocious spelling or ‘you know how to find me when you get the time’.

Fast forward two months. I receive this email from the guy:

Just checking in to see how life is for you . I would love to finish our conversation one day maybe over lunch or golf Hope this finds you good safe and well.

I haven’t nor will I respond. Lessons learned? Do not use my business card ever again as a bookmark AND I need to learn to just say no when a stranger offers me a thin mint.

Cinco de Mayo

Kelly — Fri, 06 May 2011 01:13:16 +0000

The Aftermath

notthatintoyou — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 21:46:24 +0000

Alright, so I got home from the date excited and definitely wanting to see this guy again – even though he got a little handsy and has pretty lame friends. He texted me the next day saying he had a great time and he hoped I did too, and he wants to do it again soon. We actually text back and forth for the next few days – then radio silence.

Houston, we have a problem.

I’m enjoying a Thai beer tower(okay fine, two beer towers) with friends, and they encourage me to text and say hi. He promptly responds and apologizes for not calling me but his Dad has been in town and he’s been hanging out with him. No problem, I’m breezy.

Then nothing until Wednesday and he texts again saying he’s sorry for not calling me and blah blah blah.

The next weekend comes and goes. At this point, I’m pretty much over it when I get a “Hey” text. I was feeling feisty and respond:

me: I’m trying not to text boys who don’t call after a first date.

him: :0!!!!!!!!!! WHAT???

me: I’m just calling it like I see it.

him: I better make good then

me: I’m not trying to twist your arm

him: No, you’re right when are you free?

I never responded. And that was the end of that.

Hello, my name is ….. and I am attracted to dbags.

notthatintoyou — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 16:52:38 +0000

So, I hate to admit this but I was recently attracted to a type of guy we so tenderly call a douchebag. Here’s the tale of my last misadventure in dating.

There is one week out of the year at my job where there are seemingly cute guys everywhere – all with an interest in golf. I find myself instantly drawn to this one guy and give my intern the job of finding out his age and if he’s single. The findings: he’s two years younger but single. We talk a few times throughout the next few days. At one point, I walk in utterly exhausted(this week is a really stressful week at my job) and he says to me, “You look how I feel.” There I am looking completely dejected, when he follows it up with, “And I feel gorgeous.” I was already attracted to this guy so I found it semi-charming. I know, but I did. Let’s blame it on lack of sleep and call it a day shall we?

The next week or so, we send a few emails and finally talk on the phone. It was great, we made plans to go out that Saturday night. He tells me he would normally come pick me up for the date but since we’re going to his side of town(30 min from me), he said he would next time for sure – of course, I think this is cute. He picks a pizza place in North County, and I joke and ask if that’s where he takes all the girls(because now I’m pretty sure this is where he takes all the girls.) This guy sounds dorky, but cute and normal – I am really excited for the date!

This is probably my favorite part of the story. We had not decided when we were going to meet up – I get a text from him at 4:30, “Hey!!” I was probably annoyed because my friend was going through her experience with “the texter” so I just responded, “Hey”. He picked up on the lack of emotion and punctuation and called me.

On the way to the date, he calls AND texts me on the way there to make sure I didn’t get lost. Pretty cute.

He was cuter than I remembered and the night was going really great. He even called me out on not using an exclamation point in my ‘Hey” text – this boy loves to emote.

We finish dinner and we still wanted to hang out so he said his friends were down the street at a bar if I wanted to go meet them. I honestly liked this guy and wanted to meet his friends – so I was excited that he wanted me to hang out with them. Fast forward to a douchey beach bar and a table of douchey friends.

Here’s how the next few hours go:

1. His friends chant “Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.” We didn’t.

2. His friends buy a round of shots. I didn’t take mine and he wisely didn’t either -we’re on a first date!

3. He tries to kiss me in front of his friends. I tell him I’m not going to kiss him in a bar, to which he suggests , “lets go outside.” It didn’t happen there either – we’re on a first date!

4. He’s overly affectionate with me at the table. Looking back, the behavior was definitely weird but I was into this guy and was taking that to mean he was definitely into me too.

5. At one point, his friends yell at him to “Stand up.” Yes, this means exactly what you think it means.

He takes me back to my car around midnight – we kiss goodbye and right as I’m getting into my car, he says “God bless Texas.”

The aftermath will continue in a future post.

Everything I’m NOT looking for!

Kelly — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 19:32:55 +0000

So, we have a new phrase. We find we’ve been using it a lot lately. One night we were out and passed a guy dressed in typical (terrible) Southern California fashion. Everything about his outfit was bad…flat brimmed hat, some crazy print t-shirt, bad skater shoes…and my friend (and co-blogger) says “Well, that’s everything I’m NOT looking for!” It was perfect, because it so accurately described the way I feel 9 times out of 10 when I pass a guy on the streets of San Diego. Now when we see someone we look at each other and we both know what we are thinking…yep, everything we’re not looking for!!

The other night at a Padres game we kept finding this to be true. “Oh, that guy is kind of cute…” one of us would say, until he turns around and you see that what you thought was a plain black hoodie has a print like this covering the back of it. Or “oh wow, there is a normal looking guy!” until right then a group of overly douchebag-looking guys joins him. It may sound like we are cynical, and maybe we are…a little bit. But only because it is our daily reality and it gets old fast. We have decided to start a photo archive of these type of guys so you can get a better idea of the kind of look we’re talking about and see daily, as well as the cliche parts of their wardrobe that define them. Stay tuned for more!

The “Hey” Text

Kelly — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 12:10:48 +0000

I recently met a guy who my friends all know as the texter. Anytime I say his name I feel like I have to follow it with “you know, the texter.” From the beginning I should have known it was not going to be good. We had talked about getting together and I said I was up for it, then I hear from him a few days later…via text. I responded, and then about 10-15 texts later I realized it was turning into a full text conversation. In fact it was hard for me to say anything that he would NOT respond to. Finally I cut things off with “I have to run but I’ll be home later around 10 if you can talk then.” TALK. Meaning call me. 10:05 rolls around and sure enough I hear that familiar ding of a text message. I look at my phone…”Hey!” it says. Yes, that’s right. HEY!!! I’m sorry, this is not what I meant when I said I’d be around to talk later. We texted a few more times (don’t ask me why) and then proceeded to go on a few dates and keep communicating for a few weeks. The entire time we were talking, I cannot count how many “hey” or “hey you” text messages I got. I started just saying “hey” right back, to which he would respond as a normal person would…such as how’s your day going, what are you doing, or another seemingly normal question. Why don’t you just put that in the first hey text??? I never got it. And not to my surprise this all kind of fizzled after some time. But I had to laugh when around that same time my roommate had a date lined up that she was really excited about…and he texted her that afternoon to finalize plans. Guess what it said? “HEY!” Oh…these California boys.

The princess that you are

Kelly — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 14:57:58 +0000

Check out this message I got on match.com recently…

I am a very honest and kind man, who lives by good morals. I will bring you flowers and pray that you love them. I would love to spend my hard earned money on the things you want and treat you like the princess that you are.

Ok, I would really do those things if you wanted me to…but I just want a best friend to talk to, hold, kiss, travel with, and squeeze. If you think that might be you then let me know.

I will bring you flowers and pray that you love them. It gets me every time. I guess based on the second paragraph those first couple of sentences are an attempt to be sarcastic? I don’t really think the “after” explanation is all that much better. We don’t know each other…at all. How would I know if I am (or could be) your new squeezable best friend? How about just “you seem like someone I’d like to get to know.” What happened to that? Needless to say, I did not respond.

Mix Tape – You don’t look anything like your match.com profile

notthatintoyou — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 21:27:01 +0000

I was looking at one of my favorite websites today, where people submit ideas for playlists and other people post what songs they think fit the playlist. I love it – it’s hilarious. Every now and again I’ll submit a suggestion, but I guess I haven’t suggested something funny enough or cool enough.

Laughed when I saw this mixtape:

You Don’t Look Anything Like Your Match.Com Profile

Requested by Worthless • Compiled by vinylpharm

01. Bruce Springsteen – “Brilliant Disguise” (Tunnel Of Love)
02. The Album Leaf – “Wishful Thinking” (Into the Blue Again)
03. Radiohead – “Let Down” (OK Computer)
04. The Black Keys – “Grown So Ugly” (Rubber Factory)
05. Michael Jackson – “One More Chance” (Number Ones)
06. Atlas Sound – “Cold as Ice” (Let the Blind Lead Those Who Can See But Cannot Feel)
07. The Samuel Jackson Five – “Face the Fax” (Goodbye Melody Mountain)
08. The Fiery Furnaces – “Though Let’s Be Fair” (Rehearsing My Choir)
09. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – “Last Chance for Love” (American X: Baby 81 Sessions)
10. Grandaddy – “Goodbye?” (Excerpts From the Diary of Todd Zilla)
11. Cold War Kids – “Red Wine, Success!” (Robbers & Cowards)

Side note: The match.com trial is over. It’s not for me. This blog could go downhill fast.

Texas and New York Old Fashion Style

notthatintoyou — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 22:04:45 +0000

Yet another lame attempt at trying to win me over in a match.com message. “Texas and New York Old Fashion Style” was the subject.

First of all, what the hell does “Texas and New York Old Fashion Style” even mean? I don’t get it. Because I’m from Texas and you’re from New York, we’re going to do it old fashion style? Right? What on earth.

Not off to a good start buddy.

It gets better. Here’s the message:

“I read your profile and loved your personality. I can tell you smile a lot, love to laugh, and wouldn’t mind a strong guy wrapping his big arms around you and making you feel like the world can’t touch you every now and then. It’s easy to see in your writing that you are a passionate woman.

I’m at a point in my life where everything is clear. I know what I want, and when I want something, I go straight for it. Lets call it the assertive alpha male side in me. I’m ready to share myself with the right woman. A woman who gets me, can appreciate my refined, rough, and sometimes edgy characteristics. I prefer to be bold, and straight to the point.

The best fantasy I have right now is cooking my woman dinner while she sits across the kitchen island from me drinking a glass of wine telling me about her day. I’m a sucker for passion, affection, and the bond between a m an and his girl.”

Creepy. Just plain creepy. Assertive alpha male. Really? Let’s not refer to yourself as much, shall we? I don’t know, this message just sounds uber creepy and a canned message of what guys think we want to hear.

For example, I received this one today and granted the guy looks to be pretty handsome which definitely influences how I read the message. I can admit that, a goodlooking guy comes across a hell of lot less creepy than a stocky new yorker. This message is just so darn cute.

Howdy ma’am-

Don’t worry, chivalry is alive and well in San Diego. We mountain boys will still hold a door for you!

I have to say that you are so cute… I’m in South OB near the cliffs. We should go hear some music sometime soon!

Here’s hoping this does not become a future blog post, but I don’t think it will – just a hunch but this guy doesn’t seem like a closet douche.

Update: kind of a douche.

Douchebags and Assholes Everywhere, Say Scientists

notthatintoyou — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 21:21:10 +0000

This had me cracking up. Take note that this is written by students at the University of California – San Diego. Douchebags are a major problem here – I knew I wasn’t the only one to recognize this.

Favorite quote:

Douchebaggery has affected so many people for so long, and only now are we finally tapping into this issue,” explains researcher Dr. Jonathon Gillingham. “Some people can’t help being Douchebags; they are afflicted by their illness. Truly they are as much of a victim as the people around them.”

http://www.themq.com/index.php?articles_id=376&issue=124